A solid marriage requires healthy communication but there are times when you and your spouse won’t communicate properly and it causes miscommunication. When the communication breaks down, you can’t understand each other and your needs are not met. Avoid miscommunication with these helpful communication tips for married couples.
Active Listening Is Important
One of the most important communication tips for married couples is active listening. Active listening is more than hearing your spouse’s words. It’s more about listening to understand his perspective. Never interrupt your spouse when he’s discussing his concerns. Hear him out and then make your point in response. Eliminate distractions during your conversations so you can focus on each other. Avoid getting defensive immediately because it doesn’t solve the problem. Your spouse may shut down and it ruins communication. Ask open-ended questions to understand your spouse’s perspective better.
Express Your Needs Directly
If there are certain needs you want your partner to meet, express them directly and assertively. The first step is to identify your needs and then you can begin the conversation. Pick a time to talk when you and your spouse are not tired, upset, hungry, or frustrated by other issues. Use “I” statements with your partner to avoid sounding accusatory. You may say, “I feel that I’m doing the bulk of the household chores and I’m exhausted. I need more support in this area.” Don’t resort to name-calling and other forms of disrespect when expressing your needs.
Apologize For and Rectify Your Mistakes
There will be times when you’ll disappoint your partner. If your partner discussed certain actions that disappointed or disrespected her, apologize and rectify your mistakes. Don’t make excuses or blame your spouse for your actions. A mature person is willing to admit when he is wrong and solve the problems going forward.
Anticipate Your Partner’s Needs
Observe your partner’s mood and actions to determine what her needs are. If you see that there isn’t much food in the house and your spouse is working late this week, take the initiative to buy groceries and prepare dinner for that week. Your spouse will appreciate your effort and it shows that you respond well to your spouse’s non-verbal communication. If your spouse appears worried about a possible layoff from his job, prepare by encouraging him and looking for ways to bring in extra income in the event it happens.
Respect Each Other’s Opinions
You and your spouse won’t agree on everything, and you should respect each other’s opinions when communicating. It also helps to compromise when possible. You may believe that homeschooling is the best option for your child because he has learning differences and it gives him the freedom and flexibility to learn in a unique way since he’s a highly visual and hands-on learner. Your spouse believes that traditional schools would work better because of the structured environment. After researching both sides of the issue, you both decide to homeschool her for core subjects and have her attend school for other courses.
Compliment Each Other
Compliments are healthy in marriage because they show your appreciation for each other. If you’re impressed with how your spouse handles tough behavior issues with the kids, compliment him on it. If you’re proud of how your wife always makes sure you’re prepared for work every morning, tell her. Take it a step further and write a beautiful letter of appreciation to your spouse for what he or she does for the family.
Don’t Bring Up Past Faults
One of the most crucial communication tips for married couples is forgiveness of past mistakes both of you made. During conflict, don’t bring up issues from the past that were resolved. Instead, discuss the current issues at hand and solve them. Choose a different time to discuss unresolved issues of the past.
Practice Humility
Self-righteousness hurts communication in marriage it tells your partner that you think your opinions are the only ones that matter. Self-righteousness and pride keep you growing as a couple because you need humility to accept when you’re wrong. Practice more humility, empathy, and compassion with your partner. Give your spouse grace when she doesn’t act her best on certain days because of stress or other reasons.
Nagging and Lecturing Don’t Work
Nagging and lecturing your spouse will not cause him to understand you or do the right thing. You’re not your spouse’s parent so don’t treat him or her like a child. Your spouse will resent you for this and communication breaks down as a result. Be assertive in your communication and trust that your spouse will be mature enough to respect your wishes.
Work On Yourself
Your spouse brought up some concerns about your attitude and behavior, and you’re surprised but after later reflection, you realize your spouse is right. One goal of healthy communication is to find out any hindrances to your growth as a couple. Once you know where you’re going wrong, it’s up to you to change and become a better person for yourself. When you do this, your marriage improves and harmony is restored in the home.
Don’t Belittle Your Spouse
No matter how upset you get, never belittle your spouse or verbally abuse her. This can damage your marriage and it will be hard to recover. If necessary, end the conversation temporarily and cool off before returning to the discussion. This is better than saying things you’ll regret and can never take back.
Stay Away From Generalizing
When you communicate with your spouse, avoid generalizations that are accusatory such as “You always” or “You never”. This is likely not true about your partner and it causes him to get defensive. Be specific about any concerns you have about the relationship.
Set New Boundaries in Your Marriage
While you work out problems with your spouse, set new boundaries for the marriage going forward. You can agree to not call each other hurtful names during disagreements, or you may agree to seek counseling if you can’t solve deeper problems yourselves. You can also agree not to argue with each other in front of the kids or other relatives.
Focus On The Good Things About Your Relationship
It’s easy to focus a lot on the things that are wrong in your marriage but don’t forget about the things that are going right. Take time to think about the love you first shared while dating and rediscover it by planning scheduled time together if you have busy lives. Think about all the positive qualities you like about each other and discuss them often. Resolve to have a stronger commitment to each other and continue to learn about ways to improve your marriage.
Marriage takes hard work, patience, commitment, and lots of healthy communication. These communication tips for married couples can assist you with building the fulfilling marriage that will last for years to come.
