Last week, my mom checked herself in the hospital because she wasn’t feeling well. She had high blood pressure and was diagnosed with congestive heart failure. My mom can still live independently, but I know that one day, I’ll become her caregiver when she can no longer do so. I watched her and my aunt care for my grandmother in her final years and they did it with grace and love. Maybe you’re a new caregiver unsure how to take on this responsibility. Here is how to prepare for your new caregiving journey.
Learn About Your Loved One’s Illness
One of the first ways to prepare for your new caregiving journey is to learn about your loved one’s illness. When you meet with your loved one’s doctor, ask questions about his illness and how it will impact his daily life. Learn about the medications your loved one takes, any therapies he participates in, and any dietary restrictions he has. When you know, you’ll be a better caregiver.
Accept Others’ Help
You don’t have to be your loved one’s sole caregiver. Request help from your siblings and other relatives when caregiving overwhelms you. Your younger brother can take your mom on errands in the morning and in the afternoon you can prepare her dinner and get her ready for nighttime. When you have support, it makes the journey less stressful.
Have A Regular Routine
Maintaining a routine as a new caregiver is crucial because it creates structure in your day. Write a list of all the required daily tasks you have to complete and turn this into a chart. Hang the chart in a room you frequent such as the living room, kitchen, bedroom, or your loved one’s room. If you’re co-caregiving with another family member, include their tasks and the days and times they’ll complete them. This makes your new caregiving journey less daunting.
Create A Caregiving Budget
The first step is to write down all of your sources of income and any government benefits and assets that your loved one has. After this step, write down all of your loved one’s expenses such as medications, medical equipment, therapies, insurance costs, home healthcare costs, and transportation expenses as well as clothing and groceries. Add this budget to your regular monthly budget to get an idea of how much you’ll spend. Cut out any unnecessary expenses such as dining out, concerts, or traveling on vacation if needed.
Organize Your Loved One’s Most Important Documents
You’ll need to refer to your loved one’s most important documents in certain situations so organize them and put them in a safe place in your home. These include his insurance policies, bank statements, investment account statements, medical bills, birth certificate, and mortgage statements.
Modify Your Home For Safety
Make your home safe for your loved ones by modifying it. Put your loved one’s most-used pantry items and toiletries in the lower cabinets to make them easy to reach. Remove wires, cables, toys, and any furniture that blocks walkways for your loved one to avoid tripping. Install a walk-in shower with a rail on the inside so your loved one can shower safely. Place an adjustable bed in your loved one’s room.
Review Your Loved One’s Will
You need to review your loved one’s will to figure out which medical decisions you should make on his behalf as well as financial ones when he can no longer make decisions for himself. The will also states how your loved one wants his assets to be distributed after his death.
Research Medicare and Medicaid
If your loved one receives Medicare and Medicaid, review which procedures are covered by these programs so you’ll know which procedures you’ll have to pay out of pocket for. If your loved one needs to apply for these programs, visit your state’s Department of Health Services and the Social Security Administration’s website for instructions and eligibility criteria.
Don’t Let The Stress Get To You
Caregiving is a stressful task, and there are ways you can relieve it. Have your spouse or adult children watch your relative while you take a break for a few hours. Spend time with your close friends and seek counseling if needed. Maintain your spiritual growth through prayer and Bible study if faith is vital in your life. If you don’t have relatives nearby to help you care for your loved one, look into respite care or adult daycare centers where your loved one can enjoy the companionship of others while you take a break.
Keep Loved Ones Engaged in Activities
Think about your loved one’s interests when finding fun activities for him to enjoy. If he cooked delicious meals for years, bring him into the kitchen and invite him to help with small and safe tasks. Other activities you can do together are board games, dancing, making a scrapbook, watching classic TV shows, and fun outings every other weekend.
Maintain A Respectful Attitude
There will be times when your loved one will lash out or refuse to do certain things. Don’t take his actions personally and don’t react to him with the same attitude he shows. Instead, forgive your loved one and have a patient and respectful attitude toward him. This new stage of life is just as hard for him as it is for you. He lived an independent life for a long time and now he needs to depend on others due to health reasons. It will take time for both of you to ease into this new caregiving journey.
Get His Legal Affairs in Order
It’s time to get his legal affairs in order while he’s still in his right mind. Your loved one should fill out the HIPAA authorization form as soon as possible. This form permits you to discuss your loved one’s health issues with their doctors. But what if your loved one isn’t in his right mind? You may need to seek guardianship for him. Meet with an elder law attorney to start the process. Obtain records from your loved one’s doctor proving his incapacity as well as financial accounts and records. Then you’ll need to file a petition to request guardianship through the courts. Finally, you’ll attend a hearing and you’ll receive guardianship.
Consider Long-Term Care Services
If you work during the week, you may not be able to care for your loved one all day. This is where long-term care services can help. One option would be to have a relative get paid to care for your loved one through your state’s Medicaid program. Every state’s Medicaid program has its eligibility criteria for this option so visit your state’s Medicaid website for more information. Medicaid would be your best option for government-sponsored long-term care since Medicare doesn’t cover this. If your loved one qualifies for Medicaid, he gets coverage for nursing home stays, assisted living, and home-based services. Your loved one can also purchase private long-term care insurance.
Build Your Retirement Savings
You’re focused on caring for your loved one but don’t forget about your financial safety net. Continue to build your retirement savings by making regular contributions to your retirement accounts and buying assets as often as possible. This ensures that you’ll be able to care for yourself when you reach the end of your working years. If you’re able, boost your savings and investments to retire earlier so you’ll have more time to care for your loved one.
Work Out Disagreements With Siblings
Sometimes you and your siblings will disagree on how your aging parents will be cared for. Listen to their suggestions and constructive feedback on your approach to caring for your parents. They love your parents too and their advice could help you do the job better. If you feel that you’re taking on the bulk of the caregiving, bring this up and ask that the other siblings share the load. Your brother may not think your parent must take certain medications but you feel they may work. Compromise by first trying your brother’s suggestion and if that doesn’t work, then have your parent take the medication.
Embrace This New Caregiving Journey With Joy
Finally, don’t let the trials of this new caregiving journey take the joy out of your relationship with your loved one. He only has a few years left to live and you want to use this time to have fun with him, learn wisdom from him, and engage in his interests. This creates beautiful memories that will last forever.
Caregiving is a privilege, not a burden. Your loved one sacrificed and cared for you, now you get to return this same support as a labor of love.
