In modern parenting, we tend to go to extremes and not have the proper balance. Some parents become extremely authoritarian and overly strict, and they can be harsh and critical toward their kids. These parents lack the nurturing and encouragement that kids need to feel loved and valued. Other parents are too lenient and they do not set or enforce clear boundaries with their children. As a result, these kids don’t learn respect for authority and do not understand boundaries. Kids need both rules and love in order to thrive, and this is why kids need structure in the home. Here are some ways to be a balanced parent.
Make Your Expectations Clear
You want to make your expectations clear when you develop rules for your children. For example, you may not want your kids to develop an addiction to their devices because it hinders their ability to perform well in school, enjoy their family and friends, and learn life skills. You would then create rules where the kids will only use their devices on weekends. When you make your rules and expectations clear, the kids will know how they should behave.
Be Consistent With Your Discipline
If your child disobeys your rules, the discipline must be consistent. Don’t give consequences on one day and be lenient when your child disobeys the next day. This confuses your child and he’ll become resentful because he’ll struggle to understand the boundaries you set for him. If you and your partner agreed to certain consequences, present a united front to your kids.
Require Them to Respect Others
Not only should your kids respect you and your spouse, but they need to respect other authority figures such as grandparents, teachers, and law enforcement officers. Teach them basic manners and give scenarios where proper manners are important. For example, teach them that they should never interrupt adults who are talking. Teach them not to take other kids’ items without their permission. They should address grownups as Mr., Ms., or Mrs. and their last names.
Model The Behavior You Want to See
It’s not enough to require your children to obey certain rules with a good attitude. Children imitate their parents and you want to model the behavior you expect them to exhibit. If you want them to keep their rooms tidy, you should do the same for your bedroom and bathroom as an example for them. Let your children see you composed during disagreements with your spouse.
Avoid Unrealistic Expectations and Rules
When you create expectations and rules that are unrealistic, you discourage your children. Don’t expect your toddler to always want to wait for the things he wants although you should look for ways to instill patience in him so he’ll learn this skill over time. Don’t get upset if your child doesn’t get straight As or enjoy math like you. He has his own interests and talents, and as long as he is motivated to learn, he’ll be just fine.
Don’t Give In To Their Tantrums
Many kids throw tantrums when they can’t get their way. They think that if they do this, you’ll give in and do what they want. Don’t give in to their tantrums. Show them that you’re the authority figure and hold to the rules and consequences you set for them.
Let Natural Consequences Happen
Sometimes it’s better to let your kids learn lessons through natural consequences. If your teenager forgets to wash his load of dirty clothes for the week, let him deal with not having his favorite outfit to wear to school or a friend’s party. If your child misbehaves at school and gets suspended, don’t argue with school administrators. Your child can learn his lesson by having to stay home for a few days.
Get To Know Your Kids On a Deeper Level
Build a solid relationship with your children by getting to know them on a deeper level. When they share tough moments and exciting news with you, give them your undivided attention. Share details about your life with them so they can get to know you better. Show interest in the activities they enjoy. If your daughter likes to style dolls’ hair, buy a manekin for yourself and style her while your daughter styles her dolls. Offer sound advice that will help your child as he becomes an adult.
Do Special Things With the Kids
Doing special things with the kids also builds your relationship with them. Bring them to a concert or festival that they’ve always wanted to attend. Take them to their favorite restaurants and clothing store. Go on a relaxing and fun road trip together in a nearby city. If you don’t usually hold birthday parties, hold one for your child’s upcoming milestone birthday such as 16, 13, or 18.
Consequences of Not Setting Boundaries
Kids need structure and here is what happens when they don’t have it. Without the proper structure from parents, kids will lack boundaries and feel insecure. Kids will also struggle to respect other authority figures and they will treat other kids with disrespect. These kids also struggle with emotional maturity and responsibility for their actions.
Children will be tomorrow’s leaders. It is our responsibility as parents to ensure that they’re raised properly. They need both structure and love, and this helps them become well-rounded adults in the future.
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